The Beatles And Reminders From God

I’m sitting here alone listening to Beatles music preformed by a sting orchestra. There are so many things dancing through my mind right now. I don’t know what to think first or how to even clear my thoughts. I’ve been in such a spiritual Fog lately. I can’t even hear God’s voice clearly. I must admit that it’s easier to hear God speak when He’s using willing servant to speak. God reminded me, through a pastor at my church, that as much as the devil wants me to think that ending my time on this earth is the only way out of this valley I seem hopelessly trapped in it’s not. God also reminded me that the feeling of worthlessness is also a lie from the biggest liar of them all. I’m more worthy than ever. I’m worth more than Christ’s life. God loves me so much that He allowed His own Son to die for me. That is more than I can ever hope to repay. I can’t repay that price no matter how hard I try. I’m sitting here listening to The Beatles and getting a clear picture. This is weird. Anyways I know the fog is lifting but I’m still in the valley walking in endless circles looking for my mountain top and trying to wait patiently for God’s clarity. Patients isn’t one of my strong suits. I’m as weak as the next person and I always want my way now. God’s working on that in my life. This Beatles music reminds me of the one thing I’m so impatient for right now; that one man I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with. God told me He has someone special for me. I just have to stop pushing and wait. Ir’s so hard and it’s not getting easier with the army guy I’m stupid over right now back in town. It wasn’t so bad while he wasn’t in town. Well it kind of was because it felt awkward around all of my friends that are all couples. I just want to settle down and get married. Is that so abnormal for a 23 year old? I don’t even care if I die working the same job I’ve had for the last three years. I just don’t want to die alone. Well I know I’m not alone. God is here with me all the time. But I want the love I was promised while here on earth. I feel so alone looking at all the happy people around me. It’s so hard trying to put on a happy face around the happy people. I know everyone struggles like I do but I just want a piece of the happiness they seem to spill out everywhere they go. Movies and books have ruined my idea of love. This world has ruined my idea of love. Is there anyway to erase all the love I’ve read about and seen? I know the answer to that. It’s NO. God is Love but he also said that man shouldn’t be alone so he gave Adam a mate. There is one perfect person for everyone. If I kill myself then my perfect person will be alone forever. It was never my life to take anyways. This is a long and messed up entry. Sorry to anyone that has read this so far. It’s turning into a journal entry. Oh well. That’s what blogs are for. Anyways ya the Beatles are reminding me of my need to depend on God more and remember that He can’t break a promise once He’s made it. He’s promised me the man I’m searching for and now I just need to sit back and wait. Everything will happen when it’s supposed to happen according to the plan God has for me.